Before I start editing the crap out of these, let me know if you have any advice! It may greatly influence the changes I make!
Metamorphosis
Sweat
illuminates the leather skin of a man
Who
has worked too hard for too long
But
never hard enough
Callused
hands reach for a silver Coors Light can
Then
for a silver sanding belt
Then
he takes another sip
Salt
water scent and fiberglass fumes fill
The
home that does not feel like home
When
his veins pump the poison he swears he needs
Screams
and tears, broken hearts and broken souls
A
leather hand slams doors and throws dinner plates
And
my hope flies with them
The
demons inside him surrender ever so briefly
And
the fire in his eyes disappears. I see a man again
Pleading
to be released from the monster he has become
The
raging hatred that once burned holes through my skin
Dissipates
when familiar hands lay a blanket over my
Falsely
sleeping body
Hands
that say I love you, I just don’t know
how to show it.
I already know what this is about so it is hard to say anything about the whole story but I like the language and vocabulary. The rhythm is also very nice. I said it before but I like the line "falsely sleeping body" and the last line.
ReplyDeleteThis poem holds a lot of emotion, but I like the detail and how you can picture his "veins pumping the poison"
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ashley, the emotion is really intense in this poem. The structure of the poem is really specific and highlights each stanza effectively. Great job with rhyme and sound throughout.
ReplyDelete