The sun’s golden rays of warmth melt the
crystalline orbs of concrete, compact, brown
into a shimmering butterscotch hazel,
with a smooth cocoa brown undertone.
into a shimmering butterscotch hazel,
with a smooth cocoa brown undertone.
Those irises bear more than pigmentation.
Allowing me to peer deep, and
watch the liquids of emotions
ripple up to the surface.
Allowing me to peer deep, and
watch the liquids of emotions
ripple up to the surface.
His eyes whisper secrets to mine.
Leaving me lost in the reflections
of his soul while refracting my own light
back into my own pupils.
Leaving me lost in the reflections
of his soul while refracting my own light
back into my own pupils.
Where you see average genetics, I see
the renowned magnificence of
the universe of a man.
the renowned magnificence of
the universe of a man.
This poem has tons of imagery, especially in the first stanza. The ending is somewhat confusing and I think it ends too abruptly. Maybe add another stanza before the last one to hint at the final stanza. Overall sound and structure was done well, and the tone is clearly established.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brajion, I was expecting to know who the man was and what he meant to you. You may have related to it earlier in the poem, I just didn't grab it. I like how I can picture the man inside of my head. Good job on detail and imagery!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this! The language in this is so simple but mature like undertone, pigmentation, crystalline, and etc.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind that I showed this to my roommates... I hope you didn't change a thing about this poem! Incredible!
ReplyDelete