Before you leave
Don’t forget to salute with a stiff
arm and feet together.
Don’t forget where you are and who’s
in charge.
Don’t forget your chain of
command, *hint* you start with Obama.
Don’t forget to look forward
without a smile unless you want to be in a plank for a while.
Don’t forget to pray every night
for strength because you have to get up in another hour.
Don’t forget to save some food to
eat when you’re starving at night and don’t
get caught.
Don’t forget to scrub you’re body
with soap before you shower, so you have enough time to rinse it off.
Don’t forget to brush your teeth
every night, unlike you do at home.
Don’t forget to make your bed
every morning unless you want to go running.
Don’t forget to sleep in socks to
slip on your boots faster.
Don’t forget to introduce me to
your friends, you know I like guys in
uniform.
Don’t forget it’s mind over
matter, just breath and tell yourself “I can do it!”
Don’t forget who you are and why
you’re there.
And don’t forget it’s only basic training
and you’ll be coming home in only three months.
I think this version works much better. It tells the reader early on that the character is in the military. I like how the last line is separated into its own stanza. I think in the last line you can take out the second only.
ReplyDeleteI really like the repetition! Both version of this poem are good and I can feel the emotion.
ReplyDeleteThe repetition of Don't forget to do this and don't forget to do that works really well for this poem. It puts emphasis on things that people in the military need to do day to day.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of repetition it really creates that commanding tone. To create a little more diversity I would play with the structure. I like how the last line is isolated and begins differently.
ReplyDeleteI love the advice given here! It gives readers that military perspective, a little "behind the scenes" view. Last line could be a little more powerful but I really liked this!! It's very different!
ReplyDelete