Today was a success. I deceived them all.
Bursts of warm water wash away my temporary shield. 8 oily, built-up hours of lies. I cringe in the mirror before me. Naked eyes. Nose and chin a nice ripe tomato shade.
Oh. My. God.
“This is Houston, and we have a problem.”
Sincerely,
The Mountain on Your Lower Jaw
I don’t know if I have enough concealer to cover that bad boy up.
You look like you need a nap!
Rough day huh?
That's what they would say if they saw me right now. But this is me. Huge pores and all. Tomorrow, I will please the world again. I will spend 30 minutes painting, fixing up, and then fixing again.
And then I will cringe in the mirror before me.
Who is that girl?
I think this is a good start. The beginning is clever. It makes me wonder what the piece is about. I love how humorous this is but it actually captures what a girl thinks. It seems like there is a little tine hint of sadness in the line "Tomorrow I will please the world again". I also like the contrast between looking at the mirror with make up on and without. I am interested in reading a further developed version of this!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sade... I really like this and I can't wait to read the rest.The spacing is clever and I can tell there are different speakers. Also instead of saying I would cringe again why not just say it in present tense?
ReplyDeleteI agree. I really like your spacing it highlights each section really well. I also like the use of bolding and italics it creates different voices, which make your piece more complex. The varying sentence lengths also plays in the complexity and creates a interesting rhythm. Im interested to read more and see how you'll expand and structure it. Great start!
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